Casual sex vs. Relationship sex

SEX, we all love it (the people who are sexually active). Well, not all of us love sex. Sadly there are those among us for whom sex sucks and not in a good/orgasmic way.

Many things in life are relative, so we can have something good, but then there’s something that’s better. Is it the same way with sex? Casual sex is good, but committed sex is better, thats what some people think. I’m staying in the middle of the street on this one.

Moving right along… Let me compare the 2 and you can determine where you stand or lay.

Sex in a committed relationship

Scientists have discovered that the biochemical state of falling in love is similar to obsessive compulsive disorder (hmmmm, makes you wonder about some of your ‘crazy’ exes). The desire of couples to be together and learn about each other in intimate detail is tremendous.

They grab every opportunity to show affection and get as close as possible to one another.

During this period sex can be very exciting. There’s still some of the ‘mystery’ of casual sex and also some risk, but the difference is that sex is more mutual when people are “in love”.

When people are “in love”, it’s about giving and sharing themselves physically and emotionally. The sexual satisfaction delivered when people are in love often leads both parties to feel emotional fulfillment. Sex in a relationship becomes the ultimate act of intimacy.

Scientists say, however, the brain returns to normal after 6 to 18 months. It seems it’s not physically possible to stay in that manic state of obsession with a partner for much longer than that. At that point we either fall out of love or the relationship matures (take some time and think about your past/current relationship and see if that’s the case).

When a relationship matures, sex matures. You now have the advantage of knowing each other well. Fear of rejection is replaced with trust and security. This allows you to move into a stage of experimentation and mutual growth. You can take the time to fine-tune your skills as a lover.


Casual sex and why people love it

I don’t like the term “casual sex”, because I don’t think there’s anything casual about sex. The term ‘casual sex’ implies there’s no commitment to the other person. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no sense of responsibility or care. In a casual encounter you’re likely to focus on the here and now. You can enjoy the moment without much thought about what your partner thinks of you or what you think of them. Without the emotional complications of a relationship, you’re free to concentrate on physical satisfaction.

For many people, not being too familiar with the sex partner is the key to casual sex. They find the mystery exciting and, if there’s no chance of meeting again, inhibitions can be easily forgotten. You van take on a new identity and act out a secret fantasy with little fear of rejection.

Danger is  sometimes a part of casual sex. There’s a sense of being naughty, of tasting the forbidden fruit or someone else’s property. Some people enhance their sexual encounters by choosing public places or partners they feel should be off-limits.

As children/youths we’re told that casual sex is wrong, what’s more exciting than doing something wrong?). Others have been left with a fear of intimacy by their experiences in committed relationships and “casual sex” is just the path they choose.

When we take risks and feel fear, the body  is stimulated. Breathing becomes faster, blood pressure rises and adrenalin is released. Our body enters a state of high alert. If you add sexual messages at this point, the body will respond faster. It’s a straight up thrill.


So, which one is better?

Sex can be exciting whether or not you’re in love, and at any stage of a relationship. I believe sex in a loving relationship offers an opportunity to grow together and become great lovers. It may not be possible to recapture the mystery of casual sex but there’s a much higher chance of all-round fulfillment.


Casual sex and long-term love

  • Casual sex has risk, mystery, urgency and focus on physical satisfaction.
  • Long-term relationship provides knowledge, trust, skill, experimentation and focus on deepening physical and emotional satisfaction?


DID YOU KNOW: When you kiss you release dopamine, a chemical thought to be important for sexual arousal. A sense of risk can heighten arousal and sexual responsiveness.


Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

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