SEX with a good friend

Recently boredom kicked in and i decided to watch “When Harry Met Sally” again. Something struck me about a comment Billy Crystal’s character said.  He said the reason men and women can’t be friends is “because the sex part always gets in the way.”


Think about all your friendships with the opposite sex; chances are it started off because one of you was attracted enough to the other to strike up a conversation. Sometimes it’s obvious from the beginning that there is no chance romantically, so the relationship evolved “platonically”. However, sometimes friends end up doing all the same things as lovers; late-night phone calls, dinner, movies, nights on the couch, and then…sex.


So now that you’ve “done it”, the sex is the proverbial “elephant in the room”. With sex comes feelings, emotions and even regret. One of you wants to keep your relationship on the friendship level, but there is a possibility the other may want more. Men generally wouldn’t mind to continue the sex without the friendship changing. Women generally want “something more” or never have it happen again (even if the sex was awesome)


So, how do you remain friends and nothing more?


It’s the morning after and you wake up in bed together. If it’s a weekday, making a clean break shouldn’t be a problem because you both have to get to work. Once you get into the office, wait a little while and send her a facebook message joking about what happened yesterday. Then immediately switch topics. You must acknowledge that it occurred so she doesn’t feel used, but you shouldn’t dwell on it or she’ll think it’s something more than a one-time event. Don’t let the talk get dirty either. Act like a friend.


If it’s a weekend, the split could be trickier. Get out before it reaches afternoon. But, don’t go for the obvious “I have things to do” excuse because she probably knows your life better than you do. Mention things you have to take care by yourself, like going to the office to finish some work or a trip out of town. Make plans to hang out with her the next week in a friendly situation. Make it something you’ve done together many times before, probably drinks or a games night. The point is to not make it seem like a“hit-and-run”.


The best way to ensure you remain friends after sex is to NOT SLEEP TOGETHER AGAIN. It will be tempting and possibly available. One time is a mistake in a moment of attraction; two or more times appear as something much bigger. Try to  stop thinking of her in that way — or in that position. Get right back into the friendship. Keep everything as normal as possible. The point is not to change the typical friend routine.


It’s important not to do anything that could be misinterpreted. If you have an upcoming event that involves a date, don’t bring her along. Always introduce her to strangers as your “good friend.” Don’t get jealous if she happens to mention another guy or if she flirts in your presence. Don’t make inside jokes about the night you shared.


After some time has passed you should begin to talk about other women, even if there really aren’t any other women to speak of. Ask her about other guys too. See how she reacts. See if she goes back to her usual “pre-sex” reactions when you would mention other women.


Don’t disappear on her. It’s easy to run from an uncomfortable situation, but then were you really a friend to begin with? The topic of the sex you had togerther  will eventually come up. It’s on her mind and it’s crossed your mind too. Talk it out. She may be just as uninterested in turning it into a relationship as you are. You could have been just a quickie for her too.


Be honest and tell her how you feel.


The downside

If weeks and months since “the sex” have passed and you’re more than sure she wants to call you her boyfriend and she’s not getting the hint you aren’t interested romantically then there’s no light at the end of this tunnel.


Here’s the bad news: this friendship is going to end, possibly not well either. Above all, be a gentleman. No matter how innocent you feel, in her eyes you are guilty. Just back away and leave her alone. After the explosion, wait a few weeks and send ane-mail or text message to assess the damage.


There is a chance she could have come to her senses and still wants to be friends.

There’s also a chance she’s maligning your character and “warning” her friends to avoid you… Just be prepared for anything.


Sound advice: Don’t consider crossing that “platonic line” unless you have every intention of ultimately formalising a committed relationship with her

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Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

2 thoughts on “SEX with a good friend

  1. (Y) 🙂 always enjoy reading ur posts.
    Can’t this sex with good friend situation turn into a fwb? I think that’d be great instead of just forgetting the friendship or going back to behaving like nothing happened. That’s just me still


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