Why I said no to sex, the first night

I moved from Jamaica in early January to take up a job in Dominica.

No, it’s not the Dominican Republic, Haiti’s neighbour and home of Latina booties (beauties).

I came to the Eastern Caribbean nation of Dominca – the land of 365 rivers and gorgeous, lush vegetation. Whoever said Jamaica is the “land of wood and water” should have visited Dominica first.

Anyhow, those of you who have left your native land to reside elsewhere would be well aware of some of the challenges associated with dating in a new/different culture and environment.

Dominica has a population of around 70,000 which is pretty damn small. There are virtually no secrets here and people love each others business. The nightlife is not to be compared with Jamaica; it’s alot slower here. But I’ve found out that where money and rum exist, a great time can be had whenever one chooses.

So I met a lovely young lady who had me lusting from the minute I laid eyes on her. After a few drinks we apparently had enough courage to stop staring at each other from a distance and start flirting with each other in conversation.

Long story short we arranged to have dinner and a few drinks the next day, something I hear constitutes a date.

At dinner we had good conversation and the flirting continued. There was undeniable sexual tension (although that could have been the drinks after the meal). I thought of inviting her back to my place, but chose not to. Strange, I know; but I’m in a foreign land, I opted to tread cautiously.

Honestly my decision was more about me and less about her.

Ok, so not trying to get her undies off her may have made her think that I don’t see her as just a sweet piece of ass. Some women find that flattering I hear, oh well.

A female friend once told me that if we had sex on the 1st date it’s like starting the “getting to know you” process in reverse. That’s a joke, ’cause what if we start having sex on the second date? Doesn’t that still compromise the process?… Moving right along

I just figured that delaying the sex might just make it better than if we raced into it that night.

She knows I like her, so she’s confident. The ball is in her court, but there are 2 balls in my pants and I wanted her to chase ’em. Sure I was horny and I didn’t wanna risk having those balls go blue, but I wanted to avoid the typical “man is the hunter, woman is prey”.

Garth isn’t easy to get and that’s what I wanted her to think. I’m also a gentleman, which means getting her to bed is not a rush for me. It’s chivalrous gesture as well, some women are more turned on by these subtle acts of chivalry.

Another thing played on my mind, I’ve come across some real “psycho bitches” in my times.

In retrospect if I had done my “due diligence” before getting naked with some past lovers I would not have gone there with them.

Yeah the sex was great, mind-blowing in some case, but all the damn stress and drama that came after that was not worth it.

I need more time to evaluate her. Something I’ve come to realise is that not every “dime piece” is supposed to get the benefit/privilege of sex with me. Some of the finest looking women got real mental issues. Experience is the greatest teacher and I’ve been its most loyal student.

This girl appeared “normal” just like the psycho ones, you can never tell by looking. Since I’m not in my homeland, I just figured I’ll take a little more time and know her.

Psychos can’t hide it for too long; only the seriously troubled and professional ones can disguise their psycho behaviour until after that first orgasm.

So I did the unexpected and unthinkable and chose to wait a little. Good things come to those who wait, so I’m just crossing my fingers on this one.

I’m not gonna do a follow up about the sex when it happens.
I am not breaking any rules or hearts by having sex here, which is why I can post this blog for public consumption.

Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

11 thoughts on “Why I said no to sex, the first night

  1. Interesting…considering that u have been there all of one week. Lololol well at least u have decided to learn from ur past mistakes.


  2. I really like this article … I admire your decision. Wish more were like you! All the best as you embark on your new journey. Keep this clear & sound head and you will do great! ((hugs))


  3. Hmmmm… U just knew her one night- and sex was even an option? Also, on a small island you’re fresh meat. The rules are different. After one date that’s your woman, dnt even talk about sex.


  4. lol that’s what you say now about not breaking any rules.lol..pretty soon you will be adapting to the culture around you so u will not feel as thou you will be breaking any rules. I must comment you. you stood your ground, it takes a very strong man and also with the experience that you sound liked you had lol to wait to have sex with the chick. After all you have self control which is good. great piece here to read. Hope you enjoy ur stay there and work hard. Make the best of it and be safe. Trod softly on unknown land.


  5. This is so refreshing. The other day a man I just met told me he wanted to go down on me. Then when I refused and said I really don’t appreciate a man wanting sex on a first encounter he angrily informed that the only man who wouldn’t do that is a homosexual….So I’m just glad to know that chivalry isn’t dead and gentlemen still exist. Good job.


  6. “Something I’ve come to realise is that not every “dime piece” is supposed to get the benefit/privilege of sex with me.” – AWESOME!
    Your 2nd footnote- had me wondering then I was like “he wouldn’t post this if it was a problem.”
    *miss ya*


  7. Buuut… then your female friend was right about the ‘getting to know you process’! You just call it due diligence.

    But the process involves getting to know if someone is a psycho – which is something especially important for women.


  8. I think your intentions are noble. A nagging thought that surfaces is: did the location really influence your decision. What if you had migrated to the United States where you were just another brother? Would your concerns have been the same. Waiting because you don’t want the connection to be only about that is what I think should be a dominant feature in everybody’s thought. This blog was an interesting read and I do respect the fact that you are a gentleman and will do no more follow ups.


  9. don’t need a follow up on the sex…just wanna know if she turned out to be a “psycho bitch” or not 😉


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