Why “Joe Grind” can’t marry her

For those of you who know me, Garth’s no angel #NewsFlash . On occasion I’ve been called upon to play various roles with the ladies… boyfriend, lover, man, best-friend, confidante, counselor and, of course, “joe grind”.

If you’re unfamiliar with the phrase “joe grind”, let me quickly share.

Mr. Joseph P. Grind is the gentleman responsible for “fitting in” where boyfriends/husbands are absent or shirking responsibility. He is an “upstanding” citizen and a man who’s “firm” beliefs women ‘open up’ to. He’s a man who knows that sorrow endureth for a night, but “joy cometh in the morning” and he gladly ‘spreads joy’ too.  *replace ‘joy’ with any female name u desire*

Joe Grind is the man on the side. He’s never seen by the husband/boyfriend but he knows who the husband/boyfriend is. He may not even be listed as a contact in her phone nor on facebook. For all intents and purposes he is a phantom except when it’s time for action.

He watches as her relationship/marriage progresses. Joe listens as she express her disappointments with the relationship she’s in, but at no point does Joe want her to leave; because if she leaves then… *dramatic theme* … she’s likely to want more of Joe, and he cannot have that.

You see, when a Joe has an affair with a woman, he rarely ever thinks of  of making it permanent. There are exceptions.

Sadly, there are some Joes who see themselves as the man she should have been with in the first place.  Joe, in this case, now sees himself as her ‘knight in shining armour’, come to rescue the damsel in distress. I got 2 words for ya pal – BIG MISTAKE!

Statistics and Trust
I read somewhere online that only 1 in 10 relationships which start from affairs actually last. It’s just not gonna happen, or let me say unlikely to last.

There’s no need to bust your brain trying to figure the reason. It’s one very simple thing – TRUST or should I say the lack thereof. “Trust is like an egg, once it’s broken it can never be the same” – Anonymous (aka. I don’t remember who)

You witnessed and helped her “break an egg”. Remember now, you both started off by cheating. Hey Joe, if she cheated on her last boyfriend and then left him for you, what guarantee do you really have that you won’t end up in the same position? I can answer that for you – NONE, zero, zilch, nada!

Natural instincts
Think about yourself as a man, you really aren’t engineered for monogamy, especially after playing the role of Joe for a while.

Try this for a dose of truth: human beings are evolved for sexual living which features multiple simultaneous sexual relationships. Men, especially, are designed by evolution to be attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner in the absence of such novelty.

It’s called the “Coolidge Effect” (google it) and it’s well demonstrated in social mammals of all sorts. Yes, I know a thing or two about reproductive biology.

“See me and live with me, 2 different things”
Remember this, playing the role of Joe is quite different from being husband/boyfriend. There are bad sides of her you won’t experience because you are Joe, only a husband/boyfriend would be exposed to those things. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Responsible action
As I close, I must do the honourable thing. I don’t want to leave you with the wrong impression of me (might be too late, but what the heck)

If you’re currently cheating on your partner, please recognise that this action is unfair to them and yourself. Stop living a lie. Be strong, be bold and invite your partner to sit with you and evaluate the relationship.

Suspend the cheating until you have resolved the issues you both face in the relationship, or at least discussed them fully. Sadly, it may be necessary to end the relationship.

I guarantee you that the hurt you both feel if you end it after an honest evaluation will be much less than if it ends because your partner discovered you were cheating.

P.S. the same thing applies to the “girl on the side” or “matey” or “Jane Grind”

Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

10 thoughts on “Why “Joe Grind” can’t marry her

  1. Very enlightening, the most important thing people forget is that when Joe grind becomes the official man, he will do the same thing he did with her, or she does the same thing that she did to her previous bf. I hope people never forget that…


  2. i noticed that in the second to last paragraph u said suspend cheating LOL….meaning to put off the cheating till u resolve the issues…so is it that u shudnt cheat out of a bad situation…but instead wait till there is a good situation to cheat from?? LOL jus wondering


    1. i battled with that word “suspend” but opted to keep it. if the r’ship ends then Joe’s work can “resume”, well technically he wouldnt be Joe he’d become a friend wit benefits.

      if the relationship is fixed after the suspension then joe’s services would no longer be required
      dat mek sense? mi all a question miself now, lol


  3. I do believe that there would have been no need for Joe nor Jane, had the marriage been real in the first place.

    We get married cuz, the money, the size, the envy, the spite, the infatuation, we want to move, to have kids, to travel, get green card, etc.

    Maybe if we make sure that we are compatible in every way and get some advise prior to the hitch up, we could make Joe unemployed.


  4. Even though I don’t support the ‘Joe Grind concept’, I found a lot of truth in this post. Nuff ppl need fi pree this…especially, the idea of beginning a ‘good relationship’ from a cheating one!
    Thanks for the heads up on the Coolidge Effect. I needed to know dat!


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