I caught up with an old university friend of mine who lived on campus circa 2002. We started recounting our days of sharing ourselves with the lovely ladies on campus, it brought back many laughable memories but it also made me think.
My thoughts led me to coin a phrase which I hoped would have been original – Sexual ADD. Apparently the phrase isn’t new and urbandictionary.com provides this definition along with another:
Sexual ADD – A description of a person’s attitude towards sexual activity that generally involves moving from partner to partner in a short timespan, or cheating, and is used to describe the activity when there is no other explanation.
Most men can relate to the following even if not as a result of a personal experience…
It’s Thursday evening, so technically the weekend has begun. Ping ping ping – it’s your blackberry with a couple messages from that supremely sexy woman you met the night before at Medusa’s (a local watering hole). She’s available tonight but there’s just one small problem – you made movie plans with another woman who you think will finally make you “close the deal” after the movie and a few drinks at your place.
A big man never worries here because “Ms. Movie date” can wait; afterall you both have been waiting to hit the sack so one more night of not seeing each other won’t rule out the sex anyway. So you send her a text (or make a call) explaining the urgent need to reschedule the movie date due to “unforeseen circumstances”. The new girl must get priority here.
In the middle of rescheduling girl #1 and flirting via messenger with girl #2 comes a call from a third girl who you’ve been ‘gettn it on’ with for a couple months now. The sex is great and she wants no commitments so it’s perfect, but tonight she NEEDS you (your genitals) lol. Now you have a decision to make, thankfully it’s an easy one – take out new girl for drinks early and tell the 1 who NEEDS you that you’ll swing by round midnight. All this is done with the proviso that if new girl wants to get laid then “Ms. Need you tonight” will have to have that need met tomorrow night – she can wait, neither of you have anything to lose.
This type of situation is no longer applicable to just a “gyallis” (Cassanova/Player) but probably most men – average men. I strongly believe more and more men are putting themselves in these types of situations and end up suffering from Sexual ADD (Affection Deficit Disorder) due mainly to how technology allows us to connect with people with an abundance of sexual opportunity.
Back in the day people were most likely to marry or just date someone within probably a 10mile radius of where they live. These days with the internet and smartphones permeating virtually every living space, dating (or just gettn laid) isn’t limited to just those who live nearby, it could even be another country.
I think women get the shitty end of the stick in this regard because they have to compete heavily for a man’s complete/undivided attention and affection more now than ever before. Men are naturally wired to spread their seed and therefore auto-response system ready to kick in when new or potential sexual opportunities appear.
On the downside though there are negative side effects of this ‘game’ we play – broken hearts, unplanned pregnancies, drama and women who have an apathetic view of men are but a few of the side effects. Even further though is the fact that most men don’t seem to know when to settle down and treat women in a way they would want their moms, sisters or aunts to be treated. In defense of the specie though, men are always considering some of the following:
1. “Am I making the right choice in committing to a particular woman?”
2. “How will I know if she’s the right one if I don’t simultaneously compare and contrast her with other women?
3. “Could there be a hotter, kinder, smarter, wealthier girl who comes along after I commit to this particular one?”
Those thoughts are the biggest dangers of Sexual ADD. It leaves most men unable to make decisions/commitments.
A man’s craving for (promiscuous) sex is a lot like our addiction to salt, fat and sugar. We crave it but too much can ruin our chance of making future generations have meaningful, long-lasting, wholesome relationships.
Our only hope as men is to make an intellectual decision to moderate our intake and stick to a healthy diet of open, honest relations where no one is fooled or played.
This blog isn’t written to provide solutions, but to provoke thought and inspire you to seek or create solutions to relationship problems.
What are your thoughts? Share them in the comments section and share this with a friend.
One thought on “Sexual A.D.D.”
Well this blog definitely got the desired effect. Thoughts have been provoked. One thing it did however show me is that maybe I’m grossly under sexed or under ‘hunting’ for that new, better, smarter, wealthier, funnier female in comparison to the one I’m with at anytime.
Was at diner with some female recently & informed them of the number of partners I have had in my 25yrs. They laughed & said I was joking…and my numbers were in double digits. Then one confided in me & told me why they laughed. They had that convo amongst themselves before, one was over 30, another higher, and one was at over 70, another remained silent…she grossly exceeded the over 70 parteners tally. & there is nothing wrong with that.
But saying that to say this. This new age has made it a lot easier for women to “explore” than it has for men. That’s just based on my analysis still. LOL
Good post Garth. Sexual ADD is in both sexes though, maybe stronger in the modern woman than man.