We just had sex, now what?

We just had sex, now what? That’s a question which always pops up the first time you have sex with someone new.

Men and women tend to answer this question differently, but since I’m a man this blog shall be testosterone-driven.

Now the next thing to consider when answering this question is if it’s a fling (1-night stand), the possible start of a relationship or a “friends with (sexual) benefits” situation.

Before I go any further, let me just say that the key to making the response simple and comfortable is to communicate clearly and openly. Don’t play games and lie. Just be real and in being real be prepared to accept a dose of reality from the other party.

Now let’s move on…

The start of a relationship
So there we are, laying  beside each other. We’ve gone out a few times, flirted alot and skirted around the issue of our sexual attraction to each other and the desire to make our association more than just sexual. We’ve pretty much decided that we want it to last.

Now while laying there a million questions go through a man’s mind (my mind)… Did she cum? Did she really enjoy it? Did she want me to last longer? Should I cuddle her? Do I go to the bathroom? Does she want a ‘2nd round’ now? When should I leave or when would be a good time to take her home? … the questions go on and on.

Right after the first time can always be a little weird/awkward regardless of how long you’ve known each other or have been going out together. No matter how much sexual experience you’ve had before this, it’s always a  bit weird right after sleeping with someone new, I think it’s your most vulnerable point.

Well, as long as you know what this woman means to you all you gotta do is just relax. Since you both like each other and you’re thinking of cementing a relationship then the sex is only likely to get better. As you both get to know each other better, the lines of communication about sex will open up and you’ll learn how to please each other completely.

I recommend that the conversation about the sex not occur immediately after the sex while you lay there. Offer her a drink (even if it’s water lol) and it doesn’t matter if it’s her place and you’re the visitor. Touch her, smile with her, make her feel comfortable, show you care, give her a little kiss. Comment on something general, strike up a conversation, after all you have been out for a while so you should know how to engage her mind.

Maybe the conversation about the sex may come up shortly after, but I usually recommend saving it for the next day and preferably not over the phone or on instant messenger, do it face to face. Let me just point out that if you blew her mind she’ll be likely to immediately start talking about what you did.

“Jesus christ, I’ve never had anybody do me like that. I’m still shaking, where the f–k did you learn to do that?” Those are usually good opening lines to hear from her. If that’s what she’s saying then awkwardness goes right through the window.

Beyond that point then it’s all good, because now the lines of communication for sex are open and that’s always good. My only other bit of advice is that make sure you don’t screw up the relationship (that’s a topic for another blog).

1 night stand / ‘friends with (sexual) benefits’
This is where that moment after sex tends to be most awkward.  As a man, I think it’s easier for us to manage how we feel afterwards. The point here though is to not let the woman feel like a whore afterwards. Someone might be asking now, “what if she’s a whore?” It doesn’t matter if you’re her first lover or her 91st, never let a woman feel like a whore after sex.

Let me reiterate the point about communication. Make sure that before you and her end up in the sack together that it’s clear what’s going to happen. Are you going to spend the night together or will one of you be going back to your respective homes at what ever hour it is when it’s all done.

You both need to establish that neither of you are looking for a relationship right now, so the sex is just the manifestation of sexual attraction between you both.

Now let me just say that many men don’t want to be honest with women about the fact that it’s just sex that they want right now. If you lead a woman to believe you want more than just sex she’s is gonna be pissed when she discovers the truth.

This deception men execute over the years is part of the reason women don’t trust us. When you lie or cheat on a woman you fuck it up for honest/well-intentioned men. Bottom line, don’t lie to get some pussy. Just tell her the truth in a decent/tactful way and let her decide if she’s gonna lay with you.

Moving on… So given that you both know it’s a fling for a night or ‘regular fling’ and also you’ve determine what’s going to happen afterwards then it’s easy to answer the “now what?”

Don’t immediately get dressed and leave or ask her to get out right away. Take a little time, maybe a few minutes. You may want to express that you had a great evening and you enjoyed her company. Be mannerly/courteous, after all you may want to “hit it” again.

Conditions apply
This blog was written on the assumption that the first sex happened at your home or hers. Further it is assumed you live alone or have full control of who you entertain and can “do as you please”.

The dynamics are a little different if it occurs outdoors, in a club, at a party, at a hotel/motel or some “unconventional location”.

If one or both of you are cheating, that also impacts what happens after.

The quality of the sex significantly impacts what’s next. The assumption for this blog is that the sex was good (at least a 6.5 out of 10)

Follow me on twitter … twitter.com/ohgarth … @ohgarth

Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

10 thoughts on “We just had sex, now what?

  1. “Jesus christ, I’ve never had anybody do me like that. I’m still shaking, where the f–k did you learn to do that?”

    LMAO! I’m ROTFL!
    Very interesting stuff…. I may just write the female response to this – the estrogen-driven post….


  2. ” We just had sex, now what? ” i hate hearing those words , the fact that you have to ask means the situation is already f*cked up. My belief is that it should just flow and the next step will fall in place.

    Great blog tho…bless.


  3. Why the post coital post-mortem? After sex you either roll over and sleep, roll over and leave (with your wallet or purse) or roll over and die.


  4. This blog is damn good Garth. U hit the nail right on the head. If it’s a 1 night stand that the woman or man is looking 4 just tell the other party because I would b damned piss if I learnt that afterwards.

    Looking 4ward 2 more blogs from u.


  5. Hey Crab:

    You could definitely develop on this and write a book in the same easy flowing language – an adult version and a PG 21 version for parents to give their young adults.

    Great post.



  6. I was seeing a man who I met through his friend. On the 2nd date he came to see me after work. We had sex it was amazing. I am over 45. Hes very down to earth and friendly, I hung out with him before through his friend. So he only said you look very nice tonight. He never said your pretty or had other comments. Before sex he was looking at my body but made no comment. I made the mistake of not flirting when he came and we did not kiss or makeout, that is not good. I guess we both were nervous. During sex he was asking me many questions what positions do you like, what position helps you have an orgasm, he heldoff have an orgasm until I did (never met a man I hardly knew to be so thoughtful and generous about me and not selfish). He could have gone again but we both were wiped! So after this he got up and went to the livingroom and I said wow that was so good and he smiled. Then he asked for his jacket, and he left, he did not kiss or hug me or make a plan. When he got home he texted me thanks for the great evening, Im off to bed. The next day he said he just wants to be friends for now as hes too busy with work and court with his ex for 2 months. He works long shifts. The thing is his best friend he does not want him finding out about us (I dated him previously) its also cultural as he is Syrian. So I really feel for this m an. The day I met him he was flirting a lot with me but I was dating his friend. He tried 4-5 times to get my number, he wanted me to go in his Mercedes downtown etc. Now I see he is the better man but its 3 weeks today and no call. I don’t have his phone number. We were texting for about 10 days on the dating site then suddenly I went into the dating site 5 days ago and he deleted his profile and not a peep since! So either he met someone else, or he got fedup and hes too busy. Last weekend was a long weekend and I expected to hear from him…but he did say he only likes me as a friend…Im still confused cause I said if that is the case why were you chasing me like crazy in the beginning??


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