Self confidence – is it what women want?

The question of what women want has been with us since God (if you’re religiously inclined) created women. I doubt even God could tell us what women want, and no I’m not being blasphemous. Don’t you think he would have revealed it to some ‘holy man’ by now? … Moving on

I’ve observed and interacted with thousands of women (I’m not boasting or exaggerating) over the years. These interactions have taken on various kinds, but I have always sought to learn something new about them every time. So below, I’ve just put forward something for us all to consider.

I don’t know if the question will be answered at the end, but I do hope to provoke thought and promote further discourse on the matter.

Self esteem/Self confidence and materialism
I live in an age and an era where the media bombards us with sexually charged images. Nude or semi-nude woman parade across our magazines, TV series, commercials, movies, mobile phones and oh yes, who can forget porn available everywhere.

So we’re now in an environment where as a man I’m sexually stimulated everyday, but the girls/women aren’t necessarily any easier to come by than say 10 years ago when I was just starting university.

The truth is though that the sexual messages in media tend to frustrate many men and may even lower their self esteem. Probably because the women seem ‘easy’ in the ads etc. but tend to be a little more difficult to break down in reality. The girls in the ads and movies are ‘hot and sexy’. The real-life hot and sexy girls don’t come so easily, so there’s all this temptation in the flesh, but they can’t get the flesh they want to come home with them. Many men either lower their standards and go for more “available flesh” or try using money or material things to lure the flesh home. *geez, don’t i sound callous*

The end result is often than many men just view women as sex objects and some even get hostile towards women when their sexual advances are declined.

Materialism and erosion of self esteem
These days we are ‘defined’ by what we buy or own. The food you eat or drinks you have are supposed to ‘express’ who you are as an individual. Think about it, who would you be more attracted to a sardine eater or a lobster eater? Would you go for someone taking a bus or someone who’s driven around in a luxury vehicle? *for the men, if you could have Beyonce, would you take Solange? If you don’t know who Solange is, do a google search*

Anyhow, studies consistently show that most women aren’t impressed by what men drink or drive. I wonder if women lie on these surveys, lol. The stats exist, so we just have to work with them

In this consumer/market driven global economy (capitalism) men who are self confident and don’t have to dance to the “beat of the drum of the world” are often not highlighted or should I say ‘popular’. You see, in this capitalist existence large companies want a society of wimps and ‘lackies’ who are easily swept by any wave which spews from their respective marketing/PR departments. These corporations profit off people’s (men’s) low self esteem.

I think the advertising strategies are aimed at increasing materialism and insecurity so that the audience (particularly men) will conform to whatever ‘values’ a company or campaign seek to instill. We’re told that we “deserve the best” (meaning whatever the company is selling). “The best” is often advertised to us as something which is accompanied by beautiful young women.

Let me just say that it’s natural for most of us guys to seek beautiful women, but if our self worth depends on how the wife/girlfriend looks then she’s gonna leave pretty fast.

No matter how beautiful/attractive a woman may think/know she is I personally believe that no woman wants to be valued solely for her ability to boost a mans ego or enhance his self esteem.

Sad truths
Self esteem or self confidence in men tends to decline as more and more women earn the same incomes as men do. I’ve heard it in barber shops and bars – I mean, where else to get the real pulse of my gender, right? lol

Another sad truth is that lotsa men assume that money is the key to attracting women and even get depressed because they are not rich/wealthy.

Learn this my brothers, and I am unapologetic about it, women who are ONLY attracted to men because of their wealth are whores. They don’t want a man or a relationship, they want the money. Basically they’re doing a job – the oldest profession in the world aka prostitution!

Research backed by statistics show that real women (meaning not whores) are engineered biologically to be attracted to men who have self confidence and not afraid to take risks. However, these biological inclinations sometimes become eroded by societal pressures influenced by capitalism (money and advertising).

I still believe that a real woman (the one who would make an excellent wife or girlfriend) wants a man who is self confident, purposeful, driven and adventurous.

As a man I implore you to seek for these women and leave the whores be.

Having money in your wallet or bank account isn’t what attracts the type of woman who will make a good wife/girlfriend. Those women know that fortunes are won and lost but men with self-confidence bounce back.

Those women won’t leave you when the economy crashes or if you lose your job. That’s why it’s self-confidence and not financial assets is what real women want.

Think on these things.

*I’m sure the list of things women seek in a mate goes further than self confidence, but with that quality so many other things can develop*


Follow me on twitter … @ohgarth …


Published by Garth O. Williams

A seasoned journalist and communications practitioner; professional MC/moderator, voice-over actor and entrepreneur.

4 thoughts on “Self confidence – is it what women want?

  1. Women generally do like confident men or at least a man who seems to be. It would explain why the ‘badboys’ get the girls first…because they’re usually more aggressive and exude a certain level of “fuck yeah” about them. Women think that’s sexy.


  2. So continuing a woman’s perspective… a self-confident man has no need to belittle others since he doesn’t need to make himself look bigger in his own eyes. He doesn’t need his lady to always be building him up and flattering him, a very tedious and tiresome chore. This guy is not the center of the universe in his own mind, he doesn’t need the constant reassurance and petting his lesser peers seem to require. Since he’s not the center of the universe in his own mind he is in the minds of others. When he comes into a group he’s like a prince and exudes the assurance of one in control though he doesn’t take control. WOW! I wanna meet this man!!! Nothing on this earth is more desirable than someone who is already complete within themselves. I wanna meet a man who doesn’t need me so I can show him how much he wants me. Aye. You know they have all kinds of sayings about guys who drive expensive cars … same with guys who have to have a gorgeous trophy girl on his arm. Now you might think I’m saying this ’cause I’m a dog and I’m not a timeless beauty by any means but I ain’t no dog. If you want me with you cause I look good then really, pay a model. I find more self-assured guys are less concerned with that and enjoy a woman with a brain in her head – thank you! OK enough ranting – it’s your own fault Garth – you brought it up! Bless


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